The sickala (this is a term of endearment my mom and I used to use for our sick pets, and silly as it is, it’s stuck with me) is, for the second time since I adopted her last fall, Val, my 9-year-old Greyhound. Last time she had lepto, with severe liver symptoms. This time it seems to be her urinary tract, either an infection or stones or kidney disease of some kind.
As Gina’s written, there are so many times when being “hooked up” with the veterinary world is worth more than the salaries we get for the work we do. I’ve had the advantage of some of the best, most caring advice from some of the top vets in the country. That, coupled with the care of my regular vet, who I like more every time I talk to him, and my own absolute determination to protect and care for Val in every way possible, more than outweigh the bad start we got at the ER.
All that said, right now I’m sitting in my local Starbucks, taking a little break from Val’s intense neediness. When you live alone, and especially when you’re in a new place where you have few friends, none really close by, and no family, caregiving can become overwhelming.
And now the part I’m leading up to: Caring for Val is triggering my memories of caring for my mother when she was dying. (Those who think comparing my mother to a dog is insulting can leave now; I assure you, my mother would have welcomed it.)
Like my mom, Val has to get up to pee every couple of hours, all night long. I’ve actually got my bed covered with my mom’s quilted, washable incontinence blankets. And while the sleep deprivation is only a few days old, the memories of the months of it I went through while my mom was dying are crowding into my mind all the time.
I needed a break. I’m not good at taking breaks, not from work or caregiving. But if my experience of losing my mother, and the hell of workaholism I got trapped in afterward, have taught me anything, it’s that if I don’t put myself first, I won’t be any good to anyone else.
Hence, Starbucks, where someone else made my coffee, and everything is clean and cool and impersonal, which will hopefully give me the serenity I need to go back home and take care of my girl.
We’re heading for Michigan State University for a comprehensive work-up to get to the bottom of her condition on July 10. I think we can manage until then, as long as she keeps improving or at least, doesn’t get worse, and I remember to care for myself half as well as I care for my dogs.
Wish us luck!
Note: This was originally posted at HonestDog.com. Please click below to read the original comments to the post.
11 Comments to “Caregiver stress affects pet owners, too”
-
YesBiscuit! 29 June 2012 at 5:32 pm #
-
Christie Keith 29 June 2012 at 5:45 pm #
Thanks, Shirley! I was watching the kitten cam you shared, very soothing!
-
H. Houlahan 29 June 2012 at 5:56 pm #
I think sometimes our caregiver burnout is about the pressure we put on ourselves, more than the actual demands of our patient.
It is hard, when we don’t have a diagnosis, or a confident prognosis, or any sense of what our time frame is, to give ourselves permission to be something other than a caregiver. But it’s not optional.
Val doesn’t begrudge your time. She probably wants some me time for herself.
-
mikken 29 June 2012 at 6:53 pm #
Oh yeah, been there. You’re very right – take care of you because if you don’t, it all goes to pot.
Our very best wishes to both of you.
-
Kathy Johnson 30 June 2012 at 12:11 pm #
What all are you having to do for her? I’ve had lots of experience caring for ‘kidney dogs’ as I’ve had two greyhounds with CRF. If you need any help, just holler.
-
Christie Keith 30 June 2012 at 12:40 pm #
Thank you, Kathy! Right now, the major stressors, other than worry, are that Val has developed a massive case of separation anxiety since this started last weekend, and that she’s incontinent/experiencing urinary urgency. So she’s waking me up multiple times during the night, although that has been MUCH better the last three nights, so I’m hoping we’re turning the corner. Last night and the night before she woke me up only once, and this morning I went back to bed after pottying her and changing the bedding, and slept past 11 AM.
So essentially, until we have a diagnosis, it’s just sleep deprivation, her wetting the bed, and that she goes nuts when I leave her. I mean, she’s a velcro dog by nature, but it manifests with her just always wanting to be in the same room with me, and sleep next to me at night. Right now, she has to be TOUCHING me all the time, and if I leave without her, she goes nuts. It’s incredibly stressful.
-
SusanD 30 June 2012 at 3:16 pm #
Dogs ARE family, so comparing her to your mother is the highest of compliments (we all get that). The stress is totally understandable and for those of us who are likewise connected to our dogs (like you) I’m sure most are aware that our dogs feed off of our stress and anxiety. Val is probably worried about you, as well as experiencing her own discomfort. So, yes, get out and take a break. Being a caregiver to an animal who can’t communicate is exhausting. My own dog went blind 3 weeks ago, so I know what you are going through. I have had many conversations with my vet through 15 years of various pets, about how my pets and I have the very same symptoms. He concurs this is not uncommon! I assume the vets ruled out bladder stones…they are so common, but also dangerous if a total blockage occurs and the animal can’t urinate. They are sometimes treatable by a temporary prescription diet. Hoping for the very best outcome for Val and for you.
-
db 30 June 2012 at 10:12 pm #
I am so sorry to hear this. It is extremely hard and I can understand how this takes you back to caring for your mother, too.
I am in the Lansing area and if you need someone to sit with you at MSU or take you out to lunch, please let me know. They are good people (all of my cats go there for everything) and have a lot of resources that other places don’t have. It’s because of them that my 16 year old cat is still with me after poison pet food followed by metacam. Glad that you’re going to get Val into see them.
Keeping you in my prayers
-
original LeslieK 1 July 2012 at 9:54 am #
Just remember to take a little time to relax for yourself ! If Val needs to be with you, put her quilted pads next to the tub & take a bubble bath. Candles & a glass of wine while in it wouldn’t hurt either. I’ve had good results with adding Tinkle Tonic for urinary problems. It can change the ph slightly, but lubricates the urinary tract & helps alleviate discomfort when they go. Wish I was closer to you for helping out !
-
TheVeryBestCats 1 July 2012 at 1:26 pm #
My heart and prayers go out to you and Val. I fully understand the anxiety you feel for Val, and the anger you have about the vet. And how similar his illness feels to care taking your Mom. I have a dog and 2 cats. They are my children. My family. And I know you feel the same. I wish you luck that you get to the bottom of Val’s illness, and get some information for treatment for him when you go to Michigan State. Prayers and positive thoughts going out to you and Val for his healing.
-
kb 2 July 2012 at 5:29 pm #
Hoping Val and you are both doing better and you have a proper diagnosis quickly.
Not the first velcro greyhound in the first year of adoption story that I’ve heard.
I’m sure this does trigger memories of caring for your mom. As I have to remind myself and my sister frequently, as recently as this morning, don your oxygen mask before assisting the person seated next to you ;) You can’t help them if you are dead ;) Do take care of you too.
Sending lots of best wishes.
Good luck. Hope to hear some good news on Val.