This holiday season, be sure to lock your pets in a sensory deprivation chamber so they don't accidentally consume anything other than their scientifically formulated, industrially-produced processed diet, or they'll seriously die.
That's the message for pet owners from the Los Angeles NBC affiliate -- a message refreshingly free of any interviews with experts, citations supporting its absolute statements of "fact,' or anything remotely like "evidence" for, well... anything.
I mean, did you know that just one single bite of a "butter-coated vegetable" can kill your pet? Kill them, dude. As in dead. Or at least cause them terrible disease and suffering, and cost you a grand in veterinary ER costs.
Why must you resist the temptation of giving even a few giblets of turkey to your pet? Because there is a good chance you will end up in the vet’s office or, worse, the emergency room with a $1,000 bill and a suffering pet.
[....]
Owners must abstain from feeding any table foods to their pets. Even a small piece of butter-coated vegetable can cause a life-threatening pancreatitis in certain pets. And don’t even think about adding a ladle of gravy to your pets’ kibble. Don’t risk it. Strange foods and diet changes are hazardous to your pets’ digestive system and can lead to vomiting, diarrhea, and a very sick animal.
If you can’t say no to those big brown eyes staring up at you while you savor your incredible meal, simply put your pets in another room with some of their favorite toys and their regular food and water. That way, you will resist the urge to share your holiday feast and your pets won't think bad thoughts of you while you ignore their pleas for a little table scraps.
Our old friend pancreatitis gets the blame for these digestive woes, and can you imagine how amazed I was to learn that the disease is "caused" by eating fatty foods? I now need to forget the truth, which is this: while an episode of pancreatitis can be triggered by the consumption of excess fat, the pet has to have the underlying condition in the first place.
This is what the Veterinary Information Network's VeterinaryPartner.com has to say about the causes of pancreatitis:
-Reflux of duodenal contents into the pancreatic duct. The pancreas has numerous safety mechanisms to prevent self-digestion. One of these mechanisms is the fact that the enzymes it creates are stored in an inactive form. They are harmless until they are mixed with activating enzymes. The strongest activating enzymes are made by duodenal cells, which means that the digestive enzymes do not actually activate until they are out of the pancreas and mixing with food in the duodenum. If duodenal fluids backwash up the pancreatic duct and into the pancreas, enzymes are prematurely activated and pancreatitis results. This is apparently the most common pancreatitis mechanism in humans, though it is not very common in veterinary patients.
-Concurrent hormonal imbalance predisposes a dog to pancreatitis. Such conditions include: diabetes, hypothyroidism, and hypercalcemia. The first two conditions are associated with altered fat metabolism that predisposes to pancreatitis, and the latter condition involves elevated blood calcium that activates stored digestive enzymes.
-Use of certain drugs can predispose to pancreatitis (sulfa-containing antibiotics such as trimethoprim sulfa or chemotherapy agents such as azathioprine).
-Trauma to the pancreas as from a car accident or even surgical manipulation can cause inflammation and thus pancreatitis.
Note that "eating a single piece of butter-coated veggies" is not mentioned.
The fact is, dogs and cats evolved eating extremely high-fat diets, and healthy, normal pets do just fine on them as long as they're made with wholesome and appropriate foods and not crap like pizza or Happy Meals -- which aren't good for you, either.
Which brings me to a larger issue. Any pet who can't handle a varied diet, who is so unhealthy that adding a freaking green bean in butter to his or her laboratory ration leads to an ER visit or even excessive flatulence, has one of two things: some kind of horrible disease that should be diagnosed, treated and, if possible, cured, or a diet so harmful and so restrictive that no living creature should eat it in the first place.
I try not to get too evangelical about homemade diets, because I do truly understand that commercial foods are here to stay and will be the choice most people make when it comes to feeding their pets. But really, seriously, people... a lifetime diet of nothing but processed foods is not good for you, and it's not good for your pets.
Yes, not everything on your Thanksgiving table is good for your pets. Yes, you should avoid over-feeding them to the point of making them sick. (That goes for yourself, too.)
But to seriously suggest that giving a few scraps of turkey to your dog will send him to the ER? And run a whole piece on veterinary medicine without quoting a single veterinarian? Give me a freaking break.
Also, did no one tell these people about the ban on calling pets "Fido" and "Fluffy" in news stories? Get with the program, guys!
For those who'd like some sane, solid advice on holiday pet safety, check out this piece by our own Dr. Tony Johnson, a boarded veterinary emergency medicine specialist.
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