It's funny, back when I started this blog, I avoided personal posts. Now, it seems that I always take my political posts to Daily Kos, and pet posts to Pet Connection, and entertainment stuff to AfterElton, and what's left but personal posts? So here ya go: nothing but personal.
I often feel like Americans are really nuts. We think that eating badly, not getting enough sleep, exposing our co-workers to infectious disease and being martyrs who never say no to anything are virtues.
Those things are not virtues. They're either harsh necessities or they're faults. Even if we can't change them, we should stop talking about them as if there is something "wrong" with us for breaking down and, in our weakness, consuming three meals a day and getting 8 hours of restful sleep and only working 40 hours in a week.
I work too much, I stress out over work, I don't get enough sleep. I've been eating well for almost 6 years now, but I sometimes emerge from the vortex of deadlines and realize I'm out of groceries, the dogs are gazing longingly out the window at the park, I haven't talked to my girlfriend in a week, and my house? A mess. And no matter how many times I swear I won't work after dinner or on the weekend -- I not only do, but I get myself into deadline schedules where I literally have to.
So I'm going to say it: I not only can't keep up this pace, I think keeping this up is nuts. I think I should not be working after dinner, should sleep at least 8 hours a night, and that pushing on working when I'm sick, exhausted or burned out is not something for which I should be rewarded, but rather something that should provoke a rousing chorus of "Get down off the cross, we need the wood" from my loved ones.
I'm thinking I may take a deep breath and start building my life on the premise that anything that keeps me from taking care of myself is, unless unavoidable, a bad thing that I should get rid of as soon as possible rather than some kind of proof of my Superwomanhood.
Eight hours of sleep. Eight hours of work, five days a week. That should leave eight hours plus an entire weekend of living, right? You know, walking the dogs, reading, sitting in a cafe, window shopping, getting a pedicure, volunteering at a shelter or a soup kitchen, watching my little nephews grow up.
Believe me, I understand that for many people, having a life is a luxury. Some people don't work "too much" because they're over-achievers, but because if they don't have two jobs their kids will go hungry.
Which actually makes this kind of voluntary martyr-superhero thing kind of offensive. It's not like we stay home from work when we're sick because if we don't, we'll lose our job and our children will go into foster care.
No, it's because we're gonna show the world we're tough and invincible and unbreakable and we don't need those things like food, sleep, and downtime to function. Not us. (Cue heroic theme song.)
Well, I do. And if the only reason I don't have them is because I'm trying to prove something about my work ethic or whatever crazy thing it is I think I'm proving? Please.
I'm going to try something different, now, while I can. Because this is really not a life. At least, it's not the life I want.
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