Dear diary...

It's funny, back when I started this blog, I avoided personal posts. Now, it seems that I always take my political posts to Daily Kos, and pet posts to Pet Connection, and entertainment stuff to AfterElton, and what's left but personal posts?  So here ya go: nothing but personal.

I often feel like Americans are really nuts. We think that eating badly, not getting enough sleep, exposing our co-workers to infectious disease and being martyrs who never say no to anything are virtues.

Those things are not virtues. They're either harsh necessities or they're faults. Even if we can't change them, we should stop talking about them as if there is something "wrong" with us for breaking down and, in our weakness, consuming three meals a day and getting 8 hours of restful sleep and only working 40 hours in a week.

I work too much, I stress out over work, I don't get enough sleep. I've been eating well for almost 6 years now, but I sometimes emerge from the vortex of deadlines and realize I'm out of groceries, the dogs are gazing longingly out the window at the park, I haven't talked to my girlfriend in a week, and my house? A mess. And no matter how many times I swear I won't work after dinner or on the weekend -- I not only do, but I get myself into deadline schedules where I literally have to.

So I'm going to say it: I not only can't keep up this pace, I think keeping this up is nuts. I think I should not be working after dinner, should sleep at least 8 hours a night, and that pushing on working when I'm sick, exhausted or burned out is not something for which I should be rewarded, but rather something that should provoke a rousing chorus of "Get down off the cross, we need the wood" from my loved ones.

I'm thinking I may take a deep breath and start building my life on the premise that anything that keeps me from taking care of myself is, unless unavoidable, a bad thing that I should get rid of as soon as possible rather than some kind of proof of my Superwomanhood.

Eight hours of sleep. Eight hours of work, five days a week. That should leave eight hours plus an entire weekend of living, right? You know, walking the dogs, reading, sitting in a cafe, window shopping, getting a pedicure, volunteering at a shelter or a soup kitchen, watching my little nephews grow up.

Believe me, I understand that for many people, having a life is a luxury. Some people don't work "too much" because they're over-achievers, but because if they don't have two jobs their kids will go hungry.

Which actually makes this kind of voluntary martyr-superhero thing kind of offensive. It's not like we stay home from work when we're sick because if we don't, we'll lose our job and our children will go into foster care.

No, it's because we're gonna show the world we're tough and invincible and unbreakable and we don't need those things like food, sleep, and downtime to function. Not us. (Cue heroic theme song.)

Well, I do. And if the only reason I don't have them is because I'm trying to prove something about my work ethic or whatever crazy thing it is I think I'm proving? Please.

I'm going to try something different, now, while I can. Because this is really not a life. At least, it's not the life I want.

Comments

[Travis]

(((Christie))) I feel ya.

Travis

[Alex]

Let me know if you manage it - I keep succumbing to the old faults... and it really does negatively impact on my ability to work properly during any of those hours and enjoy the time off guilt-free.

[TheWeyrd1]

Well, if it helps, I recently read that getting about 7 hours of sleep was actually healthier and while I haven't done it yet, a restricted calorie diet of mainly fruits, veggies, and nuts also extends life. I'm considering it...right after I run out of the freezer full of meat and tv dinners...

[Gail B]

Oh Christie...I think we have a psychic connections or something. I always find you writing (so eloquently) about something I was just pondering a few days/weeks ago. Thanks for a great article. I was watching a couple meander down Post St the other day and thought to myself "I can't even remember the last time I STROLLED anywhere." Pretty sad, eh? Good luck achieving your goal - we should all strive to slow down!

[lunasmom]

I've done this with work and what I've learned is how to set boundaries and work smarter, not harder. When I enforce those boundaries, I find that other people plan better and enforce better boundaries for projects, too. I have hit more deadlines on time or early since starting this program of putting my self first, and I have noticed that other people adjust their schedules so that they can do the same. I block out lunch for myself as if it were a meeting I scheduled and before I ever do overtime, I ask if it can wait until morning. Usually it can.

[Kim]

Hugs, Christie - I hear ya.

I only work an official 30 hours a week - but I also run a rescue (both dogs and exotic parrots) and live to learn.

I think THAT is where your version of Superwomanhood comes in. It's not so much a longing to "do it all" it's a longing to "learn it all."

That's why it's 11pm and I got off work five hours ago... five hours I've spent on the computer while my dear hubby walked the dogs (who I can thankfully take to work WITH me) and I'm looking up information on granulomas in saliva glands and simultaneously studying tracking training techniques. Did I mention I've also emailed several suppliers, checked out a whole list of potential new products and still haven't eaten dinner (managed to drink three beers though - rough day at work).

I don't think it's Superwoman-itis that has us... I think its an insatiability... if it was a single passion, folks would call us obsessed (oh, hell - some already do, I'm sure) but when you have multiple passions, causes and things that are just plain IMPORTANT to you, it's not so much a matter of wondering how those "others" make time for themselves... but rather how they don't feel strongly enough about ANYthing that even ONE of those things that would be consuming most of our waking moments.

Don't get me wrong - I'm not suggesting taking time for yourself is somehow to be looked down upon - quite the opposite. I truly envy those who can turn off the switch. But one has to wonder whether "those folks" have switches at all. After all, if it's truly WORK that has you going and going, then you're a workaholic. Simple. But I don't think your situation is that simple, dear... you just have a lot of switches, and many of them are fairly hard-wired into the "on" position. It's hard to turn off your passions - and as much as I piss and moan about not having any free time, I'm not sure I could live any other way.

In the meantime, I'm going to turn the switch to half-off, and go watch The Daily Show. Sure, I'm a political nut... but it's funny - so I can log it under "fun time" right? Oh, and the dogs are here cuddling, so it's multitasking "dog time" as well. ;O)