Dogged Blog

Just Musing...

Someone posted in my comments section that I should forget about writing my novel and focus on humor. Gina almost daily begs me to stop writing about entertainment media and instead stick to pet writing. Other friends urge me to write more or less about music, about my personal life, about politics.  Others just beg me to blog, about anything dammit, but BLOG MORE!

All these people seem to be overlooking one critical fact: I'm not in charge.

I don't know if muses really exist, or if everyone has them, or only writers, or what the deal is. I just know that there is a little gang of temeramental bitches who run my life and there's not a damn thing I can do about it. They tell me what to write. They decide if I'm going to write at all. They decide the tone and the mood of each piece. And they don't care, not the slightest bit, about my career, my bank balance, or my bedtime.

If my fictional muses are up, then I'm up, writing fiction. If my non-fictional muses want to play, we play. If my funny muses are tickling me, we laugh. If my academic science-wonk muses are feeling feisty, we get serious. I have journalism muses, bitch-slap-the stupid-people muses, political muses, cute pet story muses, and journal muses - they're writing this post and really are completely indifferent to the fact that I prefer not to get journal-y on my blog.

You think I'm kidding? I'm not. Some massively disciplined people may have gotten their muses beaten into submission, or maybe just figured out how to get their cooperation. Some people may not have as many different kinds of muses as I have, all clamoring for their time at the keyboard. Maybe I'm having a psychotic break and this has nothing to do with the creative process.

I've even found myself taken over by my muses. I mean, phsyically. One night I was lying in bed, and realized I'd been so wrapped up in something I was writing I'd forgotten to eat dinner. I got up to make some scrambled eggs, and the next thing I knew I had been at my computer for two hours, writing. And no, I don't take Ambien.

I suppose I should be grateful I have muses. I've never had writer's block (she says, knocking frantically on wood), although I've often had to do one kind of work when my muses were screaming at me to do another. I won't say writing I do under muse-protest actually sucks, but it's never my best.

No, the best I can manage is hoping the appropriate muses will come out when I need them, and that one day they'll learn to understand that the cryptic numerical figures on that spreadsheet indicate the need to reliably produce the type of writing for which I get paid.

Hint, hint, girls.

Ten Things I Won't Tell You

My mental shorthand for this is "the cranky article." I know it's cranky. At least I published the friendly, helpful one first. Try not to hate me.

1. I know you don't feed kibble, but I was wondering, what do you think is the best kibble for me to feed my dog?

Since you know I don't feed kibble, and I haven't fed kibble in over 20 years, and most of the kibbles available now weren't even available 20 years ago, and the ones that were have surely been re-formulated a thousand times since then, and I thought they sucked then anyway, let me ask you a question: Why do you care what I think?

All I can do is send you to the wonderful page kept my friend Mary Straus at www.dogaware.com, where you will find some really excellent information on commercial foods.

My favorite part of your inquiry is that most of the people who ask me not only admit they know I don't feed kibble, but say they found me through Mary's site. To them I have to add:  If you were already there, you don't need me. It's that simple. Because I got nuthin'.

2. Please tell me what to feed my dog. Please give me types of food, amounts, feeding schedule, a complete list of supplements and where to obtain them, and how much each meal will cost. Attached is a list of my dogs' health problems.

I'm not in the business of designing dog diets, and am not qualified to design them. There are some good books out there, some wonderful email lists, and a few good websites, and I list and link to them on my own website (you know, the place where you found me?).

3. My dog has a certain health condition, and the vet wanted a huge amount of money to treat it. Can you suggest a way to treat my dog's (heart disease, hip dysplasia, tick disease, cystinuria, kidney failure) with holistic remedies?

Although I have a definite feeling of sympathy for those of us faced with the financial realities of life, and especially life with pets, I'm even less in the business of giving financial advice than that of giving pet care advice, as the state of my own bank account and credit cards would prove upon even the most cursory of examinations.

"Holistic" means taking the big picture into account and looking at the animal and its environment, lifestyle, genetics, diet, emotional wellbeing, and other factors as a whole. It doesn't mean using herbs instead of antibiotics. Being truly holistic in your approach may or may not save you money over the long run, depending on a wide variety of factors, most of which are entirely out of your control.

It's also possible there is a less expensive way to treat your pet's condition, but for any serious health problem, it's unlikely that advice given over the Internet or at the dog park is going to uncover it. Working with a qualified holistic veterinarian is your best bet.

4. How do I find a qualified holistic veterinarian near me?

Beats the hell out of me. I've become a shockingly cynical bitch in the last couple of decades and currently believe there are maybe a hundred good vets in the country, and only a handful of them are holistic. And some of the vets I think are great, other people think suck. Add to that the qualifier "near me," and you multiply the problem.  It's gotten so I dread this question, and yet, I keep giving the advice to find one. I should probably stop doing that.

5. I read your article on puppy vaccinations. My puppy has had all his vaccinations, and his breeder wants me to get him vaccinated again next week. I talked to his vet and he said he's fine until next year. You say he probably doesn't need any more. Who should I listen to?

Everything I know and think is in the article you cited. You'll need to read what I wrote and what I based it on, ask your puppy's breeder and your vet for the basis of their recommendations, and make your own decision.

6. My dog has itchy ears/a skin rash/constant diarrhea/coughs all the time/keeps snapping at me when I try to look in his mouth/hasn't moved in a week. What's wrong with him?

Me: I don't know, what did your vet say?

Them: I didn't go to the vet.

Me: You need to go to the vet.

Them: Well, I really don't have the money.

Me: There are organizations such as imom.org that will help with vet bills, but no one can diagnose your dog over the Internet, not even a vet, and I'm not a vet, and no one can treat your dog without a diagnosis, either. And while I know finances can be a problem, your dog is in your care and cannot get care on his own, you are responsible for him.

Them: We live ten hours from the nearest vet.

Me: This somewhat falls into the category of things I find hard to believe, but if it's true, why do you keep companion animals?

Them: Well, there is a vet in our town, but our oldest child needs new shoes piano lessons, and our newborn infant needs surgery to cure her congenital heart defect and basically, we can't take care of our dog and were hoping you could tell us that we could just put her down without feeling guilty, or maybe there was a cheap, easily available herb, say, something we could grab at the convenience store next time we were buying gas?

Me: No.

7. My dog itches all the time. I thought it was fleas, but she's on a topical flea preventative, I don't see any flea dirt, and none of my other pets itches. The vet wants to test her for allergies. What do you think?

This question gets my deepest sympathy, since I've lived through the hell of a dog with allergies. But let me tell you the sad reality: While what we all want is a nice blood test that will reliably tell us every substance to which our itching dog is allergic, no such test exists. No blood test, no skin patch test, nothing. Testing for food allergies involves doing a complete elimination diet (I have info on this here), and skin or blood testing for inhalant allergies (or more correctly, atopic dermatitis) is not very good and won't necessarily tell you anything useful whatsoever. So this is more an "I can't tell you" than an "I won't tell you."

I also wish I could tell you there is an herb, supplement, holistic therapy, or hell, even a drug, that would help. There isn't, so I can't. Allergies suck.

8. You know, you'd make a lot more converts if you weren't so bitchy all the time. You catch a lot more flies with honey than vinegar.

This isn't a religion, and I am not looking for converts. I really think the only people who should use holistic care on their animals are those who want and need it like a starving man needs food. Although I did write an article a few days ago that was very nice and helpful, you should read that one.

9. Why are you always going on and on about science and evidence? I thought you were supposed to be holistic! Don't you know that (fill in your favorite unproven remedy) would be more widely used and accepted if it weren't for the stranglehold of the pharmaceutical companies on medical research and marketing? You're a pawn of the medical industrial complex!

While it's certainly true that scientific research and drug development are tainted by non-scientific interests, and non-patentable remedies don't get anywhere near as much research as patentable ones do, it's equally true that if something really works, and it's been around for a while, we'd know. We'd know how it works, we'd know what it does, and we'd have at least some suggestive evidence in support of it.

And it wouldn't be sold via multi-level marketing.

I also want to point out that being holistic doesn't mean being gullible. It just often looks that way.

10. Is Heartgard/anesthetizing my dog for a dentistry/rabies vaccination/Baytril safe?

There really is no such thing as "safe." What is safe for one dog, or in the hands of a skilled practitioner, might be very dangerous for another dog or another vet. You have to ask many very specific questions, define "safe," understand that "safe" is a relative term, and compare the risks of the treatment or substance in question to the alternatives - including doing nothing. Only than can you make an informed decision about that animal and that treatment. There are no shortcuts. And yeah, you'll probably piss your vet off. There are ways to minimize that, but no way to avoid it 100 percent of the time.

There, hopefully I'll be sweeter now that I got that out of my system.

Friday iPod Challenge, Live Edition

I saw two concerts this week, the Pet Shop Boys and the Indigo Girls.

The shared boys and girls theme is obvious.

Both members of both bands are gay.

In both cases, the audience for each was about 80 percent gay, although of a vastly different gender makeup.

All four of them dress very badly (I'm really sorry to all those who think Neal Tennant looked hot. He did not.)

I'll have reviews of both concerts at club.kingsnake on Friday sometime, so this mini-review will have to do:

Indigo Girls live = awesome
Pet Shop boys live = not really as good as their recordings but not at all bad

In the meantime, my Friday iPod challenge. Set iTunes or whatever program you use to manage your music to randomly shuffle songs, and list the first ten it gives you without editing, cheating, or gaming the system.

Here is mine:

1. Dust in the Wind - Gabriel & Dresden. I seriously adore this.
2. Heaven Knows I'm Miserable Now - The Smiths. Of course you are, Stephen. We know.
3. Kundalini Express - Love and Rockets. 80s bliss.
4. Pumping (My Heart) - Patti Smith. From one of the greatest albums ever, Radio Ethiopia.
5. Fans (after "Nessun Dorma" from "Turandot") - Malcolm McLaren. My least favorite cut - in fact, I hate it - from an otherwise really weird but good album.
6. Never Stop - Echo And The Bunnymen. More 80s.
7. The Great Curve - Talking Heads. The world moves on a woman's hips. From the greatest album ever, Remain in Light.
8. I Feel Love / Johnny Remember Me - Bronski Beat And Marc Almond. So gay.
9. I'll Come Running - Brian Eno. Greatest lyrics in an obscure rock song: "I'll come running to tie your shoe."
10. Suzanne - Peter Gabriel. Brilliant and haunting cover of the Leonard Cohen classic.

Your turn!

Something new about canine Lyme disease

There is a new test for Lyme disease in dogs, known as the Canine SNAP 3Dx or the C6 SNAP test, which tests for C6 antibodies to Lyme disease, and also tests for heartworm disease and ehrlichia canis, another tick borne disease. It is done in-office and is extremely accurate in detecting Lyme in dogs. That is because the C6 antibodies are only present due to actual infection, not as a reaction to the vaccine - very helpful for dogs who have been vaccinated or whose vaccination status is unknown.



If you get a positive on the C6 SNAP test, a follow-up test should be done, called the Lyme Quantitative C6 Antibody Test. This test will establish the baseline values you'll want to see affected by treatment, making it a useful tool for therapy and not just diagnosis. After treatment, you would want to see a 50 percent or better decrease in antibody levels on the C6 quantitative assay, as well as a cessation of any symptom.



These tests are only available through IDEXX laboratories.

Ten Things I WILL Tell You

I wrote an extremely cranky article called "Ten Things I Won't Tell You," and one day I'll be feeling snarky and post it. But given the golden beams of sunshine flooding my consciousness today after the Democrats took the House AND the Senate AND Rumsfeld resigned, I've decided to overlook the re-election of the Governator and the nasty, petty, mean-spirited anti-gay constitutional amendments passed in 7 states, and instead post this list of "Ten Things I WILL Tell You."

The cranky version of this article grew out of my frustration at the questions I'm frequently asked via email, from people seeking various magical pills and holistic "shortcuts" for the care of their dogs and cats. Me and magic, not so much.

But over the 20+ years I've been holistical (of course that's not a word, but then again, "blogger" was once also not a word, and yet, here I am), I've actually discovered a number of things that work quite well for various canine and feline problems, and in order to counteract what will undoubtedly be future acts of head explosion and meanness on my part, I thought you'd like to know what they are.

1. Saw palmetto

Does your dog have an enlarged prostate? Let's first assume you have had him to the vet and ruled out an infection or other problem requiring expert medical intervention, and discovered that he has the condition known as benign prostatic hyperplasia. I have found that the herb saw palmetto has an immediate and dramatic effect on any and all symptoms, even including bleeding, associated with this condition.

Neutering your dog is probably your best bet to fully control it, but if that's not an option (for instance, if your dog is old or unwell), this is well worth investigating.

2. Homeopathic Arnica

Yeah, I know. Homeopathy is bullshit. Whatever. I've taken homeopathic arnica myself, and I suppose that for me, it's the placebo effect, because remember, when making the circular argument, you have to have your denial system firmly in place: Since homeopathy doesn't work, if you think it works, it's the placebo effect, and the fact that it's the placebo effect is proven by the fact that homeopathy doesn't work.

So, let's say you were to try it. Let's say you saw dramatic, repeatable, objective improvement in, for instance, how easily your dog gets up, or how long she'll go for walks, or her willingness to jump on the bed or use the stairs.

It's the placebo effect, working on your brain. Your brain is so powerful it can ALTER REALITY and make your dog DO THINGS.

That's scientific.

Fortunately, even if I'm delusional, homeopathic arnica is cheap and safe.

3. Glucosamine supplements

Now and then I've seen a dog or cat who had some digestive problems when on glucosamine supplements, but usually this is a remarkably well-tolerated product. I use and recommend Cosequin. It has independent testing to back it up, it contains what they say it contains, and while it's expensive, I like to reward companies for good business practices, so I don't really mind.

Do the full loading dose and then give the full maintenance dose. It matters.

4. Acupuncture

Somewhat less of an affront to skeptics than homeopathy, at least if you avoid its conceptual underpinnings. I'll never forget my first experience taking my dog, Colleen, to a veterinary acupuncturist around 19 years ago. She walked into Cheryl Schwartz's office on three legs. She walked out on four.

I think it was the placebo effect, though.

5. Diet

While I believe that most of the benefits of a fresh foods diet are available whether that diet is cooked or raw, contains raw bone or doesn't, and contains grains or doesn't, I'll also go on record as saying that feeding a raw diet based on a prey model, of grass-fed ungulates with a minimum of poultry, containing organs, bone, and muscle meat, with a few judicious supplements, really does make for healthier, better-conditioned animals.  I won't say it prevents all problems, because it doesn't, but it prevents many, treats many others, and probably comes closest to being magical of anything I can think of.

And yet it's usually the one thing people don't want to be bothered with because it's too hard.

6. Peppermint

Peppermint is one of the best remedies on the planet for nausea. It regulates peristalsis and thus can help with irritable bowel syndrome, and even with the symptoms of inflammatory bowel disease. It provides immediate symptomatic relief for a number of canine digestive upsets, and I wouldn't be without it for anything. I use Herbs for Kids "Minty Ginger," which also contains ginger, which is great for car sickness.

Contraindicated for dogs with reflux, as it relaxes the esophageal sphincter.

7. Exercise

Fresh air, sunshine, and exercise will improve your dog's mood, and your dog's health. It's good for you, too. This is the other thing people don't like to do, and hence we have an epidemic of fat dogs and cats.

8.  Eliminating grains

Particularly for cats, even if you're not ready to take my advice about a prey-model diet, please listen to me when I tell you that dogs and cats were not designed to eat grains, and they will be healthier if you remove them from their diet.

Did I possibly mention that with cats this is even more pronounced? Cats are nature's strictest carnivores. Grain-based diets cause severe health problems in cats, including feline diabetes. Break the cereal habit.

9. Control pain

Pain does not just hurt, it harms. Don't let your fear of modern drugs compromise your dog's or cat's quality of life by letting their pain go uncontrolled. Educate yourself and if necessary, your vet, about safer pain control options, including those in alternative medicine such as herbs, acupuncture, and chiropractic. Learn about safer conventional drugs such as Tramadol and Adequan that can be used instead of riskier NSAIDs such as Rimadyl, as a first line treatment for pain.

If you do need to use NSAIDs, learn about drugs and supplements that you can use to make NSAIDs safer for your dog.

10. Slippery Elm

Basically, a wonder-substance for diarrhea, loose stool, nausea, and other digestive upsets. No contraindications as there can be for mint and ginger. Slightly sweet so dogs don't mind it. Cats hate it, so less useful for them.

See, I'm not always cranky.

There is no Tooth Fairy for pets

Most pet owners are afraid of having their pets anesthetized for any reason, but especially for "elective" procedures such as dental cleaning. They feel that in most cases, the risk of anesthesia outweighs the risk of dental disease.



Vet tech Nancy Campbell worries that people are getting the equation wrong - that in many cases, it's the exact opposite. And she's also worried that unqualified people are playing off your fear of anesthetizing your dog or cat by offering "anesthesia-free teeth cleaning."

My biggest complaint about this "anesthesia free" dental cleaning, is that it isn't a real dental cleaning. They use the example of how it's like a routine cleaning that you get at the dentists. THAT IS NOT TRUE! Any dental technician who cleaned your teeth without getting under the gums would have a very short career. Getting under the gums, HURTS. IT HURTS IT HURTS!!! That is why your pet has to be restrained. This is why a professional cleaning by a veterinary technician is done under anesthesia.

More here.

A Good Day Gets Better

Rumsfeld's gone.

Am I Blue?

I'm not blue, but my country is.

I had to work late last night, and am feeling kind of foggy, but for for the first time in a long time I have CNN on in the background and I'm just kind of walking around with a goofy smile on my face.

Er, except for the terrible California Schwarzenegger thing, but I knew that was going to happen. This is such a weird state.

Nancy Pelosi, "San Francisco values" and all, will be the new Speaker of the House, the first Dem in 11 years and the first woman, ever. I'm not her biggest fan, but today I don't give a shit. You go girl.

Jerry Brown, once governor of California, then mayor of Oakland, is now the state attorney general. I just like this guy. Always have.

Once again proving that they hate us, six states enacted small-minded, nasty, petty, childish, selfish constitutional amemdments to deny equality to lesbian and gay citizens - hell, some of them even thought the Jim Crow "domestic partnership" laws were too lenient, and banned those too. Arizona's proposed amendment might have failed, the outcome is uncertain.

On the other hand, Rick Santorum is GONE. *washes hands in bleach for even typing that name*

In other news: God hates gay evangelicals.

The Justin Anomaly

In my career as a serious investigative journalist mindless lesbian/gay media entertainment hack, I've come across an interesting trend.

It involves television shows with young gay male characters, most of whom appear to be named "Justin." Cases in point:

Left: Justin, the high-school student on Queer as Folk
Center: Justin, the gay teenaged gardener on Desperate Housewives
Right: Justin, the gay (well, pre-gay) nephew of Ugly Betty

I thought you should know.

Soap and Steam (But No Gay Kisses)

I want to make one thing perfectly clear: AfterElton.com didn't pay me enough to write a feature about the first season of Melrose Place, released today on DVD, considering I watched 30 hours of television to do it.

To be fair, I don't actually think they expected me to, but once I started I, ummm, couldn't stop. It's, you know, extremely good in a manipulative, stupid, unrealistic, big-haired, shirtless-boyed, Heather Locklear kind of way.

Anyway, there are some great comments from Darren Star, the creator of the series, and Doug Savant (currently in Desperate Housewives on ABC), who played gay eunuch character Matt Fielding.

The truth is, Matt was TV's first regular out gay character, as opposed to poor lost Steven Carrington on Dynasty):

“I felt like if the show was going to take place in West Hollywood, there had to be a gay character,” series creator Darren Star said. “I really think he was the first sort of very out, unapologetic gay character.”

Star continues: “I think it was an enormous milestone. I don't think anybody had seen a character like that — an unapologetic, out gay character that had self respect for who he was. He wasn't used as the butt of jokes; he wasn't there for humor; he was just living his life.”

That would be more meaningful to a gay audience if he weren't the only character on the show who was “just living his life.” Of course, if Matt had been as promiscuous, deceitful and mentally unbalanced as everyone else on the show, critics would have accused the show of demonizing one of the few gay characters on network television. The reality is, Matt was the most likable — some might say the only likable — character on a show where concepts like “psychopath” and “sociopath” were a regular part of character development.

The rest of the article and some really juicy quotes from Savant here.

(Note to Gina: If you read the whole article, I didn't write the "according to" part, my editor put that in. I can give you his phone number if you want.)