BlogHer: Bringing the Sex and the Fluff, and Oh, Yeah, the Shoes

My favorite panel at BlogHer was the one on Sex Blogging. Because, if you must know, I'm all kinds of shallow.

Now, don't get me wrong. The panel actually discussed some pretty heavy issues, including the privacy of our sex partners, what happens if your boss or your hostile former husband find your smutty blog, freedom of expression, the fact that google is forever, and all kinds of  twists and turns on the road to writing successfully about body parts rubbing together in interesting ways.

Panelist Susie Bright said that a lot of bloggers won't put her on their blogroll because her site is too smutty (an egregious paraphrase on my part). And panelist Melissa Gira said that when women comment on "serious" blogs, we're seen as "bringing the sex" just by virtue of our gender.

I would expand on that to say we're also seen as "bringing the fluff," and a lot of criticism... including MINE... of last week's BlogHer conference was that it felt too fluffy. Too girly. Too "unimportant."

And, ummmm... well, a lot of the time, it did. And I wasn't thrilled with that. And then I came home and played on my private anonymous oh-so-sekrit LiveJournal. You thought this place was as silly as I get? Not hardly.

It turns out, I'm not really all that  good at compartmentalizing my life. I start out that way, but the lines get all fuzzy after a while and all the pieces of me start leaking into other pieces and the next thing you know, I'm just a big sloppy bowl of melted stuff and those compartments and fragments and divisions vanish.

That's probably why this blog is a mishmash of themes - dogs, politics, popular culture, media, music, and a tiny dollop of my personal life. It's not a journal. (Not even my LiveJournal is a journal; it's a playground.) I suppose in many ways I really am a pretty private person about... well, what's left? My innermost thoughts, I guess. But the fact that I'm obsessed with subtextual TV lesbians and imaginary gay boys? That I went away for the weekend and brought seven pairs of shoes? That I used to be a hairdresser? That I like dogs more than people? That I'm a lesbian, and yes, I do have actual sex? All that fluffy silly sexy stuff that the blogosphere doesn't seem to think meshes real well with incisive political analysis and a critique of modern culture?

I haven't done such a good job of keeping that from leaking in here. I'm seriously starting to wonder if there's any point in trying. Because being silly, fluffy, sexy, and frivolous doesn't impair your ability to also be angry, smart, and articulate. It really doesn't. And when push comes to shove, honestly, I'd give up my shoes for world peace and universal justice.

Well, maybe not my purple suede high heeled sandals.

And I put Susie on my blogroll. Deal.

Comments

[Nancy Campbell]

Why is it okay for men to oogle porn and get their rocks off, but if a woman even mentions what turns their crank they're instantly less intelligent and not to be taken seriously?

It's obviously okay if they have offspring in tow for their efforts.

I still think people are in the dark ages concerning women and sex and BEING a woman. We like satin and silk, leather and lace. We like it soft and quiet, loud and thrashing. We can think, we can enjoy a healthy sex life, we can make political decisions while putting on mascara. We're strong, we're weak, we're angry, we're joyful. Is this a sign of instability? Why don't we ask the politician fucking his intern while his wife sits at home breastfeeding their newborn.

And so the pendulum continues to swing.

You just keep being you and who you are, write what you know. You're one of the very few people that I know that are willing to embrace their whole being and isn't scared spitless to put it out there for all to see. :-)

[Christie Keith]

We can think, we can enjoy a healthy sex life, we can make political decisions while putting on mascara

OMG, this is SO my new motto!

[Melissa Gira]

...that a lot of bloggers won't put her on their blogroll because her site is too smutty (an egregious paraphrase on my part). And that when women comment on "serious" blogs, we're seen as "bringing the sex" just by virtue of our gender.

We all shared this sentiment on the panel, but that was actually my quote... :)

Denise has an audio file of the panel here for those who missed it --

(And now I need to redo my Blogroll. But you are in my Bloglines. *g*)

[Gil.]

Maybe it's generational since I'm older than you are, maybe it's just me. Why any woman in her right mind would want to emulate men, to roll in smut (good word) in public, to use words that would have made my mother haul out the biggest bar of LAVA she could find, is beyond me. What does it accomplish? Oh, yeah, you're exercising your freedom of speech.

I can just imagine the Declaration of Independence written with a liberal dose of the F word. F'ing King George. Right. Who would ever have paid attention to this truly brilliant document if Jefferson had totally ignored the sensibilities of those who were supposed to be convinced of the "self evident truths" set out in it?

I don't get it and I'll never get it. If you want people to listen, you don't offend them. If you just want to gripe to those who already think the way you do, that's something else.

You are a very bright woman, you have a good command of the language when you want to use it and, when you want to, you can be very persuasive, so I guess it all comes down to what you want to accomplish. And who you're talking to.

Once again, the odd one out,

Gil.

[Travis]

Hiya,

I think that both genders are, to their detriment, bound by restrictive gender stereotypes. Men may get to look at porn, but heaven forbid they kiss a male friend on the cheek as a token of their respect and affection, or goodness help them if they want to use a facial mask to deep clean those pores on their cheeks. We're assumed that we are less than manly. Not only by men, by the way. Many women help to propogate stereotypes about men, as well, and vice versa.

I say let's let everybody find out who they are and how they want to express themselves, and not be bound by the fairly narrow definitions of traditional gender expression.

I say let's support with kindness, acceptance and understanding not only women and men but those of us who choose to express ourselves through both genders. Let's ALL be proud and loving to our fellows.

Just this gay man's point of view. :)

Travis

[Great Dane Addict]

I LOVE the F word and I belch in public (because it's fun - really, you should try it.) And I have a vajayjay - heaven forbid! I also bought Playboy for my boyfriend and the subscription is in my name (I however stole the issue with Jessica Alba on the cover because she is the prettiest woman on the planet.) I don't want children and I like dogs better than people.

I must be a monster right?

I love your blog because you tell it how it is and don't coat anything with sugar (I hate that.) Keep up the good work.

[Donna]

I'm a t-girl so I've lived life boh ways, male and female. Men and women can be kind and compasionate. However, I must say I do love being treated like a lady by a strong handsome gentleman even if he is a little rough around the edges.