Dogged Blog

United Airlines continues to be teh stooopid

So, you might remember my original and then my follow-up rants about United Airlines and how it wanted me to give my credit card billing information to a friend for whom I was buying a plane ticket or they wouldn't let her check in.

She ended up having to cancel her flight, leaving us with a credit with United to use up, so last night we made a reservation. This time we:

• Made a three-way call to United reservations instead of using the website;
• called from my home billing number;
• paid with my United Airlines Mileage Plus Visa card;
• gave them my and her United Mileage Plus numbers

Did the guy who made the reservation tell us that there would be a problem with me paying for the ticket? He did not. No, only after the email came with the confirmation number in it did they tell me, in big red letters, that she'd have to have the credit card at the time of check in.

We were still on the phone with him at the time, so I pointed this out to him and told him he should have warned me of this, and asked what I was supposed to do, since the credit card and my friend live in different cities -- hence the trip,  yo.

Don't worry, he rushed to assure me; in fact, even if she had the credit card in her hand, and all my billing information, they wouldn't allow her to check in. No, I simply had to go to the "nearest airport" and present my card at any United counter prior to her departure and it would be fine.

Now, since I live less than half an hour from San Francisco's airport, this isn't the end of the world. I can only imagine, however, if this had happened when I still lived up in Sonoma County, three hours in each direction from the nearest airport. But I digress.

I complained, firmly but politely, that this was the most ridiculous policy on earth. I was supposed to spend an hour on the road, pay for  parking, and stand in line at one of the nation's busiest airports, just to hand over my credit card to a human being?

It was certainly safer, albeit less convenient, than the earlier policy, now not  available at all, of having to give your billing information to someone, such as your deadbeat drug-addicted teenager that you're flying home after he was released from a Mexican prison, but on the other hand, the bait-and-switch of not letting me know about this minor little detail prior to finalizing the ticket purchase, plus the excuse that this is to protect me from fraud, is too much.

Hello United Airlines, do you think I'm stupid? I'm already protected from fraudulent use of my credit card by what few remaining consumer protection laws still exist. This regulation is to protect you from claims by your customers that they didn't, in fact, purchase a plane ticket for someone else after the fact. It's not like you can repossess a flight that's already been taken.

The thing is, plenty of companies have to deal with purchases that can't be repossessed. I've spent more money on a single meal at an expensive restaurant than this flight cost. I've spent more on shoes, including shoes I've sent to other addresses than mine as gifts. And I've bought many, many plane tickets over the years, including from United, without anything like this. The reality of the world we live in now is that people buy things online and over the phone, and we use credit cards. When your own regular customers can no longer do that, they will also no longer use your company. It's that simple.

There is no other option, he said, to verify my card. It doesn't matter that we have nearly a month before the flight, that I was calling from the billing address and phone number on the credit card, that I was using my United Mileage Plus Visa card, the billing information for which lists that phone number, that both of us had United frequent flyer memberships, nothing.

Because we wanted to use the credit from the canceled ticket, we went ahead with the reservation; I don't even know if we could have canceled it at that point or not. But I'll tell you this: I will never, ever fly on United Airlines again. I suggest you not fly with them, either, because if they have one idiotic customer service policy, they surely have a hundred.

The only silver lining to this whole  saga is that someone told me about gethuman.com, a website that tells you how to bypass pretty much every corporate automated phone system on the planet, and get to a real person. I used it to make this reservation, and thus, my blood pressure started out considerably lower than it normally does.

So, the takeaway message is this: GetHuman.com yes, United Airlines? Never again.

United Airlines, Part 2

So, thanks to those who tried to assure me that United Airlines won't ask my friend for my credit card when she tries to check in -- but they will. When she tries to use the Easy Check In machine (or whatever United calls theirs), it will tell her she needs to see an agent. And that agent will ask for the credit card or the credit card information, including account number, billing address, and security code... depending on who you talk to.

I have no problem with giving this information to this particular friend, but what if I were an employer buying a plane ticket for an employee, or it wasn't such a close friend, or it was my deadbeat kid or something? And don't I have the right to buy a ticket for, well, anyone I want to, without having to give them enough information to use my credit card? It boggles the mind.

Under the jump, my correspondence with United Airlines.

Oh, the American corporation and its mysterious ways

Seriously, how do companies stay in business?

Let's try even to look at a company I love, Amazon.com.

I recently got a new Visa card after some child attempted to purchase $400 worth of games at a gaming website using my account. I forgot all the 34789647 places I had my old number stored, and one of them was my "One-Click" settings on Amazon.com.

So I downloaded the mp3 of Martha Wainwright's new album, and was happily listening to it when Amazon sent me a note saying my purchase was canceled because I'd used an invalid credit card.

Oooops, I thought, and thus began my attempt to pay for my download.

I updated my credit card number. I emailed them using the contact system on the website. I got a couple of polite but non-responsive answers, and finally used their callback system, where a representative told me to enjoy my free download, because they had no mechanism in place to charge me for it. She was very nice, agreed it was something Amazon really needed to fix, and laughed with me at the complete ridiculousness of the situation.

But still, WTF, Amazon? Are you insane?

Now on to a story with less laughter.

I bought a plane ticket for someone else at United.com. I've done this before, at United and elsewhere, for various people and for various reasons, recently and over the years. I'm going to guess I'm not the only person on earth who has purchased plane tickets for other people. Perhaps I'm wrong.

They told me that when she checks in, she must have the credit card used to pay for the ticket.

I was perplexed. I emailed. The email I got in response didn't answer my question, instead addressing a completely different issue. Okay, they accidentally used the wrong form letter, I thought.

I emailed again, asking for the answer to my actual question.

In response, they said I should phone. The whole reason I didn't want to phone is that United puts you into what has to be the stupidest, most endlessly frustrating, totally aggravating automated phone system on earth, and no matter how you try to game it, it's almost impossible to manipulate the little robo-man into putting you through to a human being. But I persevered and eventually, a human came on the line.

I asked her what to do about the situation.

She told me to give my credit card number, expiration date, billing address, and the security number to the person checking in.

I was speechless. "So, why should I do that?"

"To protect you from fraud."

I laughed. "You mean to protect United from fraud, since I'm not liable for fraudulent charges to my credit card."

"Well, ma'am, I've already told you what the reason is. I understand your concern, but you must understand this is to protect you."

"No, what I understand is if I, say, want to buy a plane ticket for my kid, I'd have to give him my credit card information, which I might not want him to have and which is far more risky to me than using my credit card to purchase something online or over the phone from a corporation, something that, by the way, I do all the time without them getting upset that I can't physically show them my card."

She had nothing to say to that because there is nothing to say to that, other than to repeat: How do companies stay in business?

Oh shirt of my dreams

Okay, kind of a drive-by, but I haven't done one of these in a while. Yes, it's time for stuff I like!

Tonight it's a strange catalog company called Soft Surroundings. I can't quite grasp their concept... I guess it's kind of a catalog that sells stuff that's fluffy or cozy or soft or comforting, plus anything else they feel like selling you. Some really nice clothing, a lot of fleece, and sheets and makeup and face cream, don't ask me, I didn't start the company, I just bought this really great shirt.

This shirt fits me so perfectly I want to cry when I put it in. It's the kind of shirt that you want to wear everywhere every day because it's as if it was made for you.

It looks much better on me than it does on the model in the catalog or in this somewhat strangely laid out photo from the website, right.

Regardless of all that? Best. Shirt. Ever.

Stuff I don't like. At all.

I originally created this category as a place to mention products that I like. And so far that's what it's been.

Today, however, I felt moved to present to you two products that I not only don't like, but the existence of which strikes at the very heart of my normally pro-footwear, pro-shopping little soul.

I found both of them in the Herrington Catalog, which describes itself as "the Enthusiasts' Catalog." That sounds like it would be something I like, since I guess it means it's a catalog for people who like stuff and I do. I really do. I like stuff.

And I have, over the years, purchased items from this catalog, mostly as holiday gifts for my dad, because my dad loves cars and I'm going to guess that the first thing Mr. Herrington ever felt enthusiastic about was cars as there is lots and lots of high-end car stuff in this catalog.

The two items I am going to bring your attention to now, however, have nothing to do with cars.

The first is just something so wrong that I am not sure I can do it justice. At all. The description begins thusly:

Off Broadway, tiny recessed lights at the edge of the stage help actors avoid treacherous falls into the orchestra pit.

I am personally curious as to why this isn't also a problem On Broadway, but I digress.

But what if you’re at home late at night, and need to visit the bathroom or get a late-night snack?

I don't know, Mr. Herrington... maybe I turn on the lights?????

And you don’t want to wake your spouse by turning on the overhead lights?

This falls into the category of "Things I don't give a shit about for a thousand, Alex," but that may be why I don't have a spouse.

Oh, no, wait, that's because my government denies me the right to have one. But yet again, I digress. Back to the catalog, and its proposed solution:

Slip into Footlights and you’ll not only feel the reassuring comfort and warmth of thickly cushioned fleece slippers — you’ll also activate powerful LED beams that illuminate everything up to 20-25’ ahead of you!

Weight sensors activate the LEDs in each slipper as you stand up; built in timer delays shut-off until you’re safely back in bed. LEDs aim slightly upward for optimum illumination of obstacles. It’s like seeing in the dark — without wearing scary NightVision goggles!

Yes, it's exactly like that. And yet, in its own way I find it very scary indeed.

The next product is also terrifying. And again, my own words pale into nothingness next to the advertising copy in the catalog itself:

Mossad, the Israeli Special Forces unit, is known for its stealth, toughness, and deadly effectiveness. So when Mossad requisitioned a protective laptop case comfortable and light enough for extended travel, discreet enough for clandestine ops, but rugged enough for field duty, Ergo Armor got the contract. Triple-layer laminate construction sandwiches a protective layer of elasticized closed-cell foam padding between a soft, anti-scratch interior, and a highly abrasion-resistant exterior.

Large u-shaped, zippered top gives you unfettered access to a padded laptop sleeve, and a generous main compartment with dedicated pockets for personal electronics. Front zippered compartment offers the additional protection of Flexi-Shield Exo-Ribs for delicate equipment...

Like, I guess, small firearms.

...and movable interior padding for a custom fit. A special full-width rear pocket gives you instant access to pens, business cards, and other small travel essentials...

Like, I guess, small firearms.

And discreet styling means you won’t blow your cover!

I myself worry about that a great deal when transporting my laptop.

The takeaway message here is, if you are even now compiling a holiday gift list and my name is on it, these are two items you might want to, you know... scratch off.

Stuff I Like: Chanel Lipstick, Nordstrom

The latest in a series of posts about products and companies I like. I have no affiliation with any of this stuff. I just like it.

Nordstrom

I got a mailing today from Nordstrom, about Chanel's new fall makeup colors, and I looked at the lipstick color on this model and thought OMG I WILL DIE IF I DO NOT GET THIS LIPSTICK IMMEDIATELY.

So I went to the website, but couldn't tell what lipstick color it was.  So I called the "beauty specialist" hotline. The woman who answered was very nice and tried to find the answer for me for some time, and finally gave me an 800 number at Chanel to call.

I have consistently gotten some of the best customer service of any business from Nordstrom, and this was no exception. Also, they have great shoes.

Chanel Makeup

I love Chanel makeup. Their lipstick makes me want to put it on and go out dancing, and never dries out my lips.

The customer service rep at Chanel was also extremely helpful, and is sending me some free samples just because I called.

And this color? Lotus Rouge.

Stuff: Malta's Cream

This is the second in a new series of random posts about products and companies I  like. I have no affiliation with anything I write about. I just like it.

My veterinarian in Sonoma County, Lisa Pesch, sells Malta's Cream in her practice. I bought it one day, I don't even remember for which of my dogs, and of course, got some on my hands.

My dry, sore, chapped hands that suddenly became soft and nice.

I started using it as a moisturizer on my body, and even on my face, although it has little grainy bits in it that probably preclude it as a daily moisturizer for tender facial skin (contrary to popular belief, you really shouldn't use grainy scrubs on the face, ever).

Fortunately, now that I live in San Francisco and getting in to Lisa's office isn't exactly convenient, I went to their website to order more Malta's Cream, and found that they sell a complete line of facial and body skin care products. I've ordered a few, and I'll let you know what I think of those. In the meantime, go to solumandherbe.com and order some Malta's Cream. Pretend it's for your dog if that'll help, but use it yourself. It's amazing.

Stuff I Like

I decided to start a totally random series of reviews of stuff and companies I like. I don't sell these products or have any affiliation with these companies, so this isn't just random, it's altruistic.

Today, one of each.

Stuff: Parissa Face and Bikini Wax Strips

I used to get my brows and the odd stray hair on my lip waxed at the salon, which I hated and wasn't exactly convenient. Then I found Parissa Wax Strips at Whole Foods Market and I never left the house again switched to that. It's easy to use, extremely gentle, less painful (although that's probably psychological, especially for a control freak like me), and they have this nice soothing blue stuff you put on your tenderest skin after using it that works really well.

If you depillate, try it.

Company: Zappos.com

If you are already an initiate into the wonder and glory that is the "Web's largest shoe store," then you don't need to read this. If not, welcome to my world.

Zappos not only has pretty much every fabulous shoe, boot, and sandal ever made in every size and color, they also have the best customer service of any company I've ever dealt with.

Shipping is free. Return shipping is free, using a label you print out from their site. They frequently upgrade orders to overnight shipping. Free. They are friendly and helpful online and on the phone. They let you return purchases, no questions asked, for a year. Free.

Once they sent me something I hadn't ordered. It had my address on it, but someone else's name, and the packing slip had an address in another state. It was just the package label that had my address on it. I had not been billed or anything.

I called them, and they agreed I hadn't ordered it. They arranged for UPS to come pick it up, and just to thank me for taking the time to call them and let them know, they put a $25 credit on my account.

Their website is not very pretty, but they make up for that with the prettiness of their shoes, which they display in a format that enables you to see them from the top, both sides, the bottom, the front, and the back. There's nothing like it, not even at Nordstrom.com, the second best place online to get shoes.

It's true I have an unnatural love for shoes. I do not deny it. But Zappos transcends normal love and approaches being something like true love or even universal divine love. It's just that good.