Well, I wasn't expecting this...

Wow... so, I talked about how fresh paint and moving things around got the energy flowing in my life again?

In yesterday's mail there was a package from my lender on this house, offering me the loan  modification I'd requested SEVEN MONTHS AGO. Every time I phoned them, it was like they'd never heard of me before and I basically had to send them everything all over again, and now, with absolutely no additional information or follow-up on my part, this thing arrives.

Financially, it's great. It's better than I had hoped for. There are a few details I need to check out with an attorney, but it's a pretty simple offer. Unless there are legal landmines buried in the fine print, I plan on taking it.

This is what's odd: If you had asked me five minutes before this offer arrived what I wanted to do, I couldn't have answered you. Part of me wanted to cling to everything just the way it was when my mom was alive and not change anything. Part of me wanted to let go of everything, climb in my car with the dogs, and live life on the road for a few years. And there were parts of me advocating for just about every alternative between those two.

But as soon as this offer arrived, I felt pure blinding joy and relief. This sense I've had of being a hundred years old and creeky and painful and miserable lifted completely. All kinds of half-formed plans and ideas that I held in my mind snapped into place, or disappeared. It was like there had been this low-level irritating static-y sound with a slight electrical shock attached to it in the background, constantly, for months, and it suddenly turned off.

Ultimately this has to be a sensible financial decision, so I don't want to act like it's a done deal. It's not. But having this most fundamental, almost primal, logjam break? No matter what the outcome, that feels good.

Comments

[LynnO]

YES! I know that feeling, and I appreciate it wherever and whenever. Thanks for sharing. Blessings your way.

[Travis]

Yay!!!

[Gin]

That's when you know that this is the right thing. Total euphoria! And yes I know this first hand because my euphoria comes at 9:30 tomorrow morning. Hurrah for us both for digging out of the sludge the world tried to throw at us.

[Jan]

I'm so happy for you:)