In Weight Loss as in Sex, Slow is Good

When I was a teenager, and weighed less than I do now, all I wanted was to lose weight. I longed for it, hoped for it, dreamed about it.

I got over it. I got on with my life. I accepted myself.

And then one day I decided I wanted to lose weight. I hadn't spent the last 20 years agonizing over my weight, trying and failing, yo-yo dieting, and suffering. I'd just lived my life. I have no time or patience (although I confess I have a lot of sympathy) for people still stuck where I was as a teenager, sure that losing weight will fix their relationships and self-esteem problems and make their life all sparkly perfect.

It doesn't. It won't.

For me, the change came first, the weight loss second. I changed my mind, and my body followed along. And now I just do what I decided I'd do, eat in a certain way, exercise in a certain way, and take everything else as it comes.

It's been a long time since I wrote about my adventures in weight loss, and I wouldn't want anyone to get the wrong idea. I've lost 180 pounds now, total, since May 19, 2003,  and can still say that I've never gone off my eating plan (the word "diet" makes me want to scream, so I don't use it). A friend told me last weekend that I now look "normal," and although that's not actually an adjective I aspire to, I know what she means. I've gone off the "fat girl" radar. It's... interesting.

I lost my first 90 pounds or so quite rapidly, but now the weight comes off very, very slowly. I'm like everyone else on earth, and crave instant gratification like carb junkies crave toast, but I'm getting over it. I'm also over food as a form of entertainment, food as a form of comfort, and food being anything at all other than, you know, food.

That doesn't mean I eat without regard for taste. I'm in this for the long haul, so I eat what pleases me and makes me feel good physically. But if I find myself at a party or restaurant and there's nothing I "like" on the menu or the buffet table, I don't consider that a reason to go off my chosen eating plan.

I also don't "love" food. I don't "miss" foods. I don't long for, fantasize about, or crave foods I no longer eat. I've already eaten enough really good things to last me the rest of my life, and then some. I just don't care anymore.

Besides, nothing I've ever eaten tasted better to me than how I feel now. I'd be insane to give that up for a mouth party.

Comments

[KT]

I just cannot tell you how much in awe of you I am! This is so incredible :) You have lost more than an entire me -- and I'm NOT an insubstantial person.

Chocolate still kills me. It's actually interesting. Way back, my serious addiction was chips -- any chips would do, and lots of them. Now, I can pass on the chips ... but chocolate, not so much ;)

Thank you so much for this, I found it to be such an inspiration. I never got over wanting to be slimmer and I fell into that yo-yo dieting nightmare when I was very young! Now all these years later I have as much to lose as you have already lost!

I'm now going to take things slowly and, yes, thanks to you, aspire to become normal!! :)