Ten Things I Won't Tell You

My mental shorthand for this is "the cranky article." I know it's cranky. At least I published the friendly, helpful one first. Try not to hate me.

1. I know you don't feed kibble, but I was wondering, what do you think is the best kibble for me to feed my dog?

Since you know I don't feed kibble, and I haven't fed kibble in over 20 years, and most of the kibbles available now weren't even available 20 years ago, and the ones that were have surely been re-formulated a thousand times since then, and I thought they sucked then anyway, let me ask you a question: Why do you care what I think?

All I can do is send you to the wonderful page kept my friend Mary Straus at www.dogaware.com, where you will find some really excellent information on commercial foods.

My favorite part of your inquiry is that most of the people who ask me not only admit they know I don't feed kibble, but say they found me through Mary's site. To them I have to add:  If you were already there, you don't need me. It's that simple. Because I got nuthin'.

2. Please tell me what to feed my dog. Please give me types of food, amounts, feeding schedule, a complete list of supplements and where to obtain them, and how much each meal will cost. Attached is a list of my dogs' health problems.

I'm not in the business of designing dog diets, and am not qualified to design them. There are some good books out there, some wonderful email lists, and a few good websites, and I list and link to them on my own website (you know, the place where you found me?).

3. My dog has a certain health condition, and the vet wanted a huge amount of money to treat it. Can you suggest a way to treat my dog's (heart disease, hip dysplasia, tick disease, cystinuria, kidney failure) with holistic remedies?

Although I have a definite feeling of sympathy for those of us faced with the financial realities of life, and especially life with pets, I'm even less in the business of giving financial advice than that of giving pet care advice, as the state of my own bank account and credit cards would prove upon even the most cursory of examinations.

"Holistic" means taking the big picture into account and looking at the animal and its environment, lifestyle, genetics, diet, emotional wellbeing, and other factors as a whole. It doesn't mean using herbs instead of antibiotics. Being truly holistic in your approach may or may not save you money over the long run, depending on a wide variety of factors, most of which are entirely out of your control.

It's also possible there is a less expensive way to treat your pet's condition, but for any serious health problem, it's unlikely that advice given over the Internet or at the dog park is going to uncover it. Working with a qualified holistic veterinarian is your best bet.

4. How do I find a qualified holistic veterinarian near me?

Beats the hell out of me. I've become a shockingly cynical bitch in the last couple of decades and currently believe there are maybe a hundred good vets in the country, and only a handful of them are holistic. And some of the vets I think are great, other people think suck. Add to that the qualifier "near me," and you multiply the problem.  It's gotten so I dread this question, and yet, I keep giving the advice to find one. I should probably stop doing that.

5. I read your article on puppy vaccinations. My puppy has had all his vaccinations, and his breeder wants me to get him vaccinated again next week. I talked to his vet and he said he's fine until next year. You say he probably doesn't need any more. Who should I listen to?

Everything I know and think is in the article you cited. You'll need to read what I wrote and what I based it on, ask your puppy's breeder and your vet for the basis of their recommendations, and make your own decision.

6. My dog has itchy ears/a skin rash/constant diarrhea/coughs all the time/keeps snapping at me when I try to look in his mouth/hasn't moved in a week. What's wrong with him?

Me: I don't know, what did your vet say?

Them: I didn't go to the vet.

Me: You need to go to the vet.

Them: Well, I really don't have the money.

Me: There are organizations such as imom.org that will help with vet bills, but no one can diagnose your dog over the Internet, not even a vet, and I'm not a vet, and no one can treat your dog without a diagnosis, either. And while I know finances can be a problem, your dog is in your care and cannot get care on his own, you are responsible for him.

Them: We live ten hours from the nearest vet.

Me: This somewhat falls into the category of things I find hard to believe, but if it's true, why do you keep companion animals?

Them: Well, there is a vet in our town, but our oldest child needs new shoes piano lessons, and our newborn infant needs surgery to cure her congenital heart defect and basically, we can't take care of our dog and were hoping you could tell us that we could just put her down without feeling guilty, or maybe there was a cheap, easily available herb, say, something we could grab at the convenience store next time we were buying gas?

Me: No.

7. My dog itches all the time. I thought it was fleas, but she's on a topical flea preventative, I don't see any flea dirt, and none of my other pets itches. The vet wants to test her for allergies. What do you think?

This question gets my deepest sympathy, since I've lived through the hell of a dog with allergies. But let me tell you the sad reality: While what we all want is a nice blood test that will reliably tell us every substance to which our itching dog is allergic, no such test exists. No blood test, no skin patch test, nothing. Testing for food allergies involves doing a complete elimination diet (I have info on this here), and skin or blood testing for inhalant allergies (or more correctly, atopic dermatitis) is not very good and won't necessarily tell you anything useful whatsoever. So this is more an "I can't tell you" than an "I won't tell you."

I also wish I could tell you there is an herb, supplement, holistic therapy, or hell, even a drug, that would help. There isn't, so I can't. Allergies suck.

8. You know, you'd make a lot more converts if you weren't so bitchy all the time. You catch a lot more flies with honey than vinegar.

This isn't a religion, and I am not looking for converts. I really think the only people who should use holistic care on their animals are those who want and need it like a starving man needs food. Although I did write an article a few days ago that was very nice and helpful, you should read that one.

9. Why are you always going on and on about science and evidence? I thought you were supposed to be holistic! Don't you know that (fill in your favorite unproven remedy) would be more widely used and accepted if it weren't for the stranglehold of the pharmaceutical companies on medical research and marketing? You're a pawn of the medical industrial complex!

While it's certainly true that scientific research and drug development are tainted by non-scientific interests, and non-patentable remedies don't get anywhere near as much research as patentable ones do, it's equally true that if something really works, and it's been around for a while, we'd know. We'd know how it works, we'd know what it does, and we'd have at least some suggestive evidence in support of it.

And it wouldn't be sold via multi-level marketing.

I also want to point out that being holistic doesn't mean being gullible. It just often looks that way.

10. Is Heartgard/anesthetizing my dog for a dentistry/rabies vaccination/Baytril safe?

There really is no such thing as "safe." What is safe for one dog, or in the hands of a skilled practitioner, might be very dangerous for another dog or another vet. You have to ask many very specific questions, define "safe," understand that "safe" is a relative term, and compare the risks of the treatment or substance in question to the alternatives - including doing nothing. Only than can you make an informed decision about that animal and that treatment. There are no shortcuts. And yeah, you'll probably piss your vet off. There are ways to minimize that, but no way to avoid it 100 percent of the time.

There, hopefully I'll be sweeter now that I got that out of my system.

Comments

[Maud]

That wasn't cranky or bitchy, Christie, it was merely plain-spoken. It's only cranky if there's sneering, snarling or name-calling. Plain-spoken is good, particularly with those things you find you need to keep repeating. You gotta put the hay down where the goats can get at it.

[KT]

There, hopefully I'll be sweeter now that I got that out of my system.

ROFL ... now go back to entertainment bloging, please ;) You are in a better mood when you do that ...

::: pondering just how I will survive without the 14-cup coffee maker :::

[Sharyn]

LOL! Well, you can bet I won't make the mistake of posting *this* one to the BV list, but it's definitely going in my Christie Keith Keepers folder! Another good one, Christie.

Sorry, KT....I'd rather she do snarky dog blogging than entertaiment blogging. ::grin::

[Judi]

Great article. I can see that people must be bombarding you with help since you've been online a lot longer and also been raising your dogs this way for 20 years!

I know that since I found you, Mary, Gil and Lew, my dogs are a hell of lot healthier and I am learning how to raise them (and me!) holistically, AND finding that middle ground.

THANKS CHRISTIE!!!

[Gina]

Fantastic. Utterly fantastic. And so much more entertaining than "nice Christie's" friendly pet posting.

Re "Ten things" -- Humor. And True. True Humor.

Forget the novel, Christie; write humor.

Your comments echo those imaginary responsive posts I write to those seeking the magic and free internet bullet to problems from the sublime to the ridiculous.

Loved every word; keep 'em coming; you're an insipration and a consolation to the rest of us trying to remind ourselves "it's for the dogs, Stoopid."

Shari

[Jacki]

I've never commented in a blog before so hopefully you will get this.

I enjoyed reading your comments pertaining to proper care of companion animals. I especially enjoyed your comments about IMOM.org. It's nice to get recognition. It brought a smile to my face.

Thank you,
Jacki Hadra, Founder
IMOM, Inc.